You loved me when I least deserved it, because You knew that’s when I really needed it. Your love is amazing, everlasting, so big that we can’t even comprehend its magnitude. When we’re stripped bare, all our insecurities and faults exposed, You still cling on to us. You are the beginning and the end of everything, everything that ever mattered, everything that gives meaning to everything else. Let my passions glorify Your sublimity, and let my hands bring You praise.
6-Year-Old AIDS Orphan A-Long Lives Alone in Guang-Xi
Made me tear up. Father, here’s my prayer, let me know when time is right, give me patience and continue to burn this fire within me. This fire to bring You glory and show Your love to the world.
As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.
–1 Peter 4:10-11
<<This is “The Safest Wall” in Seoul, South Korea. Young couples show their love for each other by locking a pair of padlocks to this fence, and throwing the keys over the edge. By throwing away the keys, they are showing their undying commitment to each other.>>
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. (Songs of Solomon 8:6)
Maybe one day =)
If you’ve noticed the recent strike-through of the last post, I applaud you for your observance and attention to detail. Why, you ask? Simply because it’s not completely true anymore. Things change, people change, memories don’t, but who ever said the attachment you feel to those memories are engraved in stone too?
Love looks not with the eye but with the mind, says Helena. And for those of you who fantasize about “cupid,” did you know he was also blind? (Just a little fact to make your heart smile.)
Anyhow, long time no update. I feel like life is just flying by me these days. Sometimes when I stop myself to look back, it scares me a little that I can’t remember all the little details of each and every moment past. I’ve come to the realization that it’s feelings that we remember the most, not the facts of exactly what happened, but the transgression of our feelings. It’s funny to look back to a year ago this time, and see that really, fundamentally, very little has changed. This is how I felt then, this is still how I feel now; however magnified, however more ornate, it always was and always will be grounded in Him.
Apart from all that, it’s been absolutely dreary in Vancouver for the past week. But just gotta keep reminding myself, there can be no rainbow, without a little rain.
我以为不爱了，
其实只是暂时忘了。
事实上，记忆的保质期，
是永远。
So pick me, choose me, love me.
(Before you continue, I apologize for my lack of updates in the past few weeks. Oh, and I warn you, this post is going to be kind of all over the place.)
Love Grey’s Anatomy, but of course, you already knew that. So in the case of Meredith, she finally got what she wanted at the beginning of the last season; but is what she got really what she wanted? Or, let me re-phrase, is what she wanted really what she wanted?
I have an over-active brain that likes to conjure up idiotic ideas and create hypothetical situations like “what if this happens,” and “what if this had happened instead of what actually happened?” Stupid, I know, but it’s hard to not feel helpless when your prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for the orchestration of thoughts and actions (hence decision-making), is somewhat (or so they say) inactive when love is the topic of discussion. So I guess what I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is whether or not I have the capacity to love someone again, to love freely and without reservations like I used to. It’s not so much worrying about not being capable to love anymore, because we were born and made to love, it’s more, what has to happen in order for me to let go of my heart again and hand it to someone else?
The beginning of this year has been different from the last two; more than ever, I’m truly learning to deal with life on my own: brand new room-mates, E not on campus, and no more standard time tables with familiar faces. All my fall-backs have kind of been taken away from me. But it’s been great, I feel like that old me is taking charge again. I’d forgotten how much fun it is to meet new people and make new friends, because really, many of the rewards in life come from outside that comfort zone; and if I trip over my own feet while pushing those boundaries, I’ll acknowledge the fall, learn from it, and move on.
And lastly, here are a few pictures of my new room for those curious ones =)
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.
–Sir Winston Churchill
Maybe I had said too much, maybe I hadn’t. Maybe I had given up too much, maybe it wasn’t too much. Maybe since then, I’ve forgotten, maybe I haven’t. The one who loves the most is the one who loses the most. It’s true, if I could go back and change one thing, I would have realized the importance of maintaining my own sense of self, that way, maybe we wouldn’t have exhausted our patience and squandered some of the happiest days of our lives fighting.
- – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -
I know how I feel about you, there’s no “maybe” in that, but I can’t voice it. I’m utterly incapable of letting my guard down because I feel like if I don’t say certain things, show certain emotions, then I have the free-will to retract the feelings behind them. And that, is the only way to prevent heart-break.
That was then;
You know, some traditions fade away, but I hope this one will never cease to exist. Because no matter how far apart we are during the school year, the distance across Canada cannot erode away what we have. Going away for university, I’ve experienced my fair share of “drifting apart” from the people I used to be close with. It’s sad that life cannot be like the teenage fiction we’ve all read, where an initial emotional separation almost always results in an escalated, “nothing has changed” ending when the characters are written back together, closer than ever. See, sometimes I feel like the whole concept of “we’re such good friends because we just clicked when we first met” is totally disputable, I think friendships are made and maintained; even if the initial attraction is the spark that ignites the fire, it’ll be sure to burn out if nothing is added to the flames over time. Even if you had nothing in common to begin with, being together for long periods of time gives you the commonality and attachment you need to be the closest of friends. It’s almost like the whole dating scene, the question of, do I love him because of our unchanging connection, or do I love him because I’m used to it and cannot imagine my life without him? If you ask me, I say it doesn’t really matter, because love is love, regardless of how it’s acquired or how it’s grown in size to the present day. A friend with whom you were complete opposites to begin with can now mean just as much to you as the friend whom you “clicked right away” with; a guy whom you could never picture holding your hand can now be the one holding your heart.
If love was a storybook, if friendship was a storybook, it’d be a Jane Austen or a Louisa May Alcott, where we’d meet on the very first page and get together on the very last; and the ever-after would be unwritten.
我哭了，原来我所失去的根本不算什么。
突然间，对生活一切的抱怨都似水蒸汽一样无影无踪了。人，要一直向前看。
“要么赶紧死，要么就精彩的活着。”
你，我，能做到么？
After being home for almost 3 months now, I’ve finally decided to make a new guitar video. It’s nothing too exciting, but I’ve been trying to learn picking; I don’t have the greatest coordination, so my song choices have proved to be quite the challenge to master. This song is one of my all-time favourites, hearing it always brightens my day; maybe it’s because I’ve always found the term “baby” endearing, whether it’s being used by a mother towards her little toddler or by a boyfriend towards his girlfriend, it just makes my heart want to smile. So this one is dedicated to all the love in the world, and all the girls out there that are waiting patiently for its arrival, don’t doubt, just listen to the lyrics, and remember how beautiful you are. Hope you guys enjoy it.
宝贝 – 张悬
我的宝贝 宝贝 给你一点甜甜
让你今夜都好眠
我的小鬼 小鬼 逗逗你的眉眼
让你喜欢这世界
哇啦啦啦啦啦 我的宝贝 倦的时候有个人陪
哎呀呀呀呀呀 我的宝贝 要你知道你最美
我的宝贝 宝贝 给你一点甜甜
让你今夜很好眠
我的小鬼 小鬼 捏捏你的小脸
让你喜欢整个明天
哇啦啦啦啦啦 我的宝贝 孤单时有人把你想念
哎呀呀呀呀呀 我的宝贝 要你知道你最美.
